Over these past few years, I've worked through a series of changes, specifically realizations about myself. It feels a lot like finding missing pieces to a puzzle. I've also gone through struggles figuring out what values I align with, my sense of self, my wellbeing. But all these things have helped enrich me as a person.
I've had an ongoing struggle with my mental health for years, more specifically anxiety. Things really got bad Freshman year of high-school. I pretty much cut myself off from the rest of the world. I couldn't talk to anyone outside my family. I was alone and friendless during that time. However, things have gotten better. Both my Sophomore and Junior years were significant improvements, at least emotionally. It took a combination of therapy and medication to get to this point, but I can confidently say I'm in a good place right now. I still have bad days, but I've taken steps to get help.
Just a year and a half ago, I found out I was on the spectrum (Level one), which basically means that I don't require as much support as other autistic people, but I do struggle with social cues, and general human interaction. My therapist suspected that this could be the case for me, and referred me to a specialist. Instead of being ashamed about this realization, I was relieved. It made everything make so much more sense. While this discovery doesn't sum me up as a whole, it put so much into perspective for me and the way my brain works.
I grew up in a Christian family. I was never really given a choice, I was just born into it. For years, I blindly followed this religion, and I genuinely believed in it. But over the past year, I started to deconstruct. I looked back on my life, and realized how much religion actually hurt me. I just wasn't aware of it up until recently. Christianity gave me intrusive thoughts concerning whether or not I'd get into heaven. I'd constantly worry about liking things more than God, and seriously considered throwing all of my stuff away at one point. My books, my TV, the whole works. But now that I've officially identified as an atheist, I feel so much better not only about myself, but my life as well. I no longer have to fear going to hell or being a 'bad christian'. I can now enjoy my life freely.
Recently, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am Bisexual. I was subconciously aware of this for years, but I tried convincing myself I wasn’t. I’ve recently come out to my Dad, Grandma, and Best friend, and they’ve all been very supportive. Coming to terms with my sexuality feels so freeing, and it makes a lot of things in my life make sense, my attraction to girls as well as guys for example. I feel a sense of relief accepting this part of myself. Now that i’m not repressing it, I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin.